Red Mojo Mama

Red Mojo Mama

Lydia “Red” Talbot has lost her mojo after three years of mourning for her husband, but not for long. She’s inherited a valuable mobile home park in the Gold Country of California, filled with a cast of eccentric characters. Her plans to sell it and take a world cruise are threatened by a hot handyman, a sizzling story in the rapidly growing town of Nuggetville and the appearance of her husband’s ghost, who has decided to hang around awhile as he searches for his next life.

Boredom sets in as she waits for her fortune to materialize, so she takes a part-time job as a reporter. Fancying herself the community newspaper equivalent of Christiane Amanpour, Lydia uncovers some shady doings by the City Council and a slick land developer. Citizens are bullied and her life is threatened, as she struggles to both expose the crooks and stay emotionally independent of the community of crazies she has been left by her beloved Aunt Esther.

Red is a spunky, smart-alecky thirty-something with more heart than she’d like others to see. She’s absolutely fearless and too honest for her own good sometimes. She’s also torn between love for her dead husband, Mac, and the new man in her life, Joe - handyman and chef.

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An Unexpected Twist (Kindle Single)

An Unexpected Twist (Kindle Single)

Andy Borowitz almost died, but lived to tell this stranger-than-fiction tale. In his first-ever work of autobiography, the comedian and New York Times bestselling author tells how a freakish medical condition descended upon him one October afternoon and led him to the brink of death â€" in a New York hospital “consistently rated one of the ten best in the country.” What happens when “one of the funniest people in America” (CBS News Sunday Morning) comes face to face with his own mortality? An Unexpected Twist is in equal parts harrowing and hilarious â€" and a moving affirmation of what it means to be alive.

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A Proper Charlie

A Proper Charlie

Charlie Wallis has everything a girl could wish for: a loving boyfriend, a fantastic job as a newspaper journalist for London Core and resides in a trendy flat.

Trouble is Charlie’s boyfriend’s a loser, her job title really reads `clerk` and her flat, at the top of a high-rise, isn’t that nice after all.

Her new boss, Ben, is a huge bear of a man. A gentle giant, with chocolate brown eyes that hold a secret.

While London Core investigates the disappearance of local prostitutes, Charlie wants in on the action, deciding that dressing as a hooker and walking the streets is good research.

Bumping into Ben was the last thing she expected.

A story of opposites that not only attract…but ignite!

Excerpt
Charlie watched as he fell back onto her settee, and then straddled his lap. Oh my God! What was she doing! She was having an out-of-body-experience, she thought. Only she wasn’t dead. She was alive. Very much so. She wriggled against him wonderingly and excitement flared in her body as his own rose to her teasing.
His lips parted on a groan, and his Cadbury eyes blazed. She was rocking on Ben Middleton’s lap like she was in a third-rate porn movie. Rocking on the man of her dreams’ hardening lap.
A criminal’s lap.
She had recognised him the instant he pulled up beside her in the Audi. The hair curling around the ears, the way he held the angle of his head, the slight slip-up on the stupid Scottish accent. Oh, yes, here at her disposal was Ben Middleton. And boy, was she going to see justice done!
But then he kissed her.
She felt her body relax like she had been steeling herself against this passion but had now given up. His tongue entered her mouth, and when she met it with her own she knew she was lost. The kiss was explosive and volatile, and suddenly she was lying on the settee and he was on top. His hands were in her hair, as his tongue explored the moist softness of her mouth.
She wasn’t setting him up in a honey-trap, he wasn’t an abductor or even Ben Middleton. She wasn’t a pretend prostitute, a journalist or Charlotte Wallis. They weren’t even people anymore. They’d melted and fused in a tangle of passionate chaos.
She felt his hand mould around her breast; her jacket was open at the front revealing the plain white T-shirt. He pulled it up, clumsy and impatient in his desire, and this power she had over him drove her wild! Her flimsy bra was no barrier as her breast came alive under his inquisitive fingers. She moaned and arched towards him. That she’d hate herself afterwards; that he’d hate her didn’t seem to figure in her enflamed, glazed mind.
Their unchecked passion was frightening. And all at once, he was on the floor and she on top, mouths still together, hands pulling at one another’s clothes.
The telephone rang.
Charlie froze. Then all her senses came flooding back. She scrambled up, and ignoring the phone patted her jacket pockets for the knife.
‘What’s the matter?’ Ben croaked, he didn’t appear to hear the phone. He looked as soppy as she felt. He held out a hand to her. ‘Come back.’
‘Condom,’ she said, and forced a smile. She felt sick. Sick with that she’d lost control so easily. He’s a criminal, she reminded herself. He abducted Sally Readman.
She pointed the knife at him. ‘I’m armed.’
‘Charlie…?’ Ben lowered his hand. He stared from the knife to her. ‘Is this a joke?’
Charlie’s chin trembled and tears spilled from her eyes. ‘I’m deadly serious.’

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Scratch

Scratch

An unexpected reminder of his past prompts Jim Cooper, a 33 year-old Glaswegian call centre worker, to make a big decision. He's going back to adulthood ground-zero - no job, no debt, no, er, home, and starting again. Maybe this time he can do it right and get the girl. The fact that the girl is already married and living in another country and her Bruce Lee obsessed dad apparently wants to turn Jim into his latest pet are only two of the obstacles he faces.
Given Jim's forward planning skills don't extend beyond praying and having panic attacks, it isn't surprising that he soon finds himself living with his parents and working for minimum wage, in the same pub he worked in when he was 18. What is unexpected is Paula Fraser walking through the pub's door for the first time in 12 years.
What's even more surprising is that Paula admits she still loves Jim. But yes, she's married, and no, she won't cheat on her husband. She'll tell him the marriage is over. Soon. When the time is right. As soon as her husband's sick grandfather gets better - or fatally worse.

And so, Jim and Paula embark on the tricky business of not having an affair, and not telling anyone they know that they're not having an affair. As Jim reflects, 'If not being physically intimate with her in any way and denying to everyone we knew that anything was going on between us was the best way to prove I loved her, then that's what I would do.'

Scratch is an un-sanitised, emotionally honest and hilariously candid story about what it is to grow up as opposed to simply change age, as told by a man who doesn't know what any of those words mean.

Word Count: 98,000

By the same author:

Will You Love Me Tomorrow - some musicians wait a lifetime for a record deal. Bryan Rivers waited three days longer.
Will You Love Me Tomorrow is a comedy about death, depression, grief, loss, friendship, family, haircuts and the music business.

A Selection of Meats and Cheeses - Twelve short stories from Danny Gillan. Some sad, some funny, some serious some silly, some poignant and some pointless.

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Real Romance

Real Romance

A "Hot New Releases in Contemporary Romance" Best Seller!
** Over 30,000 downloads in ten days.

Shy bookstore manager Marie McCloud spends each night between the
covers with a hot guy... The hunky hero from one of her romance
novels, that is. Having been cheated on, disparaged then ditched,
Marie turns to pure fiction to soothe her aching heart. What she
doesn't count on is finding real romance where she least expects it.

Ladies' man David Lake is always up for a physical challenge. An
intellectual one? He's not so sure. But when David meets pretty Marie,
he's ready to leap through some hoops to get the brainy brunette's
attention. With a little bit of research and a whole lot of reading,
David prepares to sweep Marie off her feet -- for the romance of a
lifetime.

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Dana The Dancing Dinosaur - A Funny Rhyming Children's Picture Book (A Funny Rhyming Story)

Dana The Dancing Dinosaur - A Funny Rhyming Children's Picture Book (A Funny Rhyming Story)

Dana, The Dancing Dinosaur is a funny story about a female toddler dinosaur that loves to dance. Children, parents and teachers will be entertained by the things that Dana loves to do.

She is the sweetest dinosaur that will help babies, toddlers and preschooler enjoy learning to read.

Rhyming helps kids learn phonics through sound and word.

The illustrations brings this story to life and will motivate children and parents to read it again and again. This story introduces colors and numbers,too.

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Mungai and the Goa Constrictor

Mungai and the Goa Constrictor

Set in a rainforest of an unspecified continent, Mungai and the Goa Constrictor is a tale littered with colourful and enjoyable characters, conspiracies and unlikely friendships between the species. Told through the eyes of animals the narrative explores the predatory world of deception and greed. The book carries an important missive: 'Beware of predators in the guise of friends'. It has been described as witty and fascinating and as a story for children and adults alike.
Mungai, the central character, is a jungle creature of indeterminate origin, who creates a cunning master plan allowing him to find ways of passing through life without too much cost to himself and as little effort as possible, and at the expense of others not as strong minded or as clever as he is.
He goes all out to achieve his objectives, regardless of the consequences, as he sets out to destroy the rainforest for personal gain.
On his travels Mungai encounters an equally ruthless and selfish creature, a boa constrictor called Goa, and together they go in search of innocents to use to implement their designs.
They subsequently meet, befriend and manage to convince all manner of creatures to join them in their venture with promises of great rewards in return for small labours. The creatures believe their efforts to be beneficial to the environment and look forward to the promised bounty. Before too long some notice their hard work continues but the rewards are not forthcoming and they begin to realise, with some input from the good outsiders they have teamed up with, the two legs, that what they are involved in is not good for anyone.
Dissatisfaction begins to burgeon and rebellion is on the cards.
Mungai finds out, all too late, that those he shamelessly inveigled into his plans are not as naive as he first thought and eventually the tables are turned.
The perpetrators become the victims as Operation Equinox is devised and executed.

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Fake Perfect Me

Fake Perfect Me

Isabella Reynolds has the perfect life ... or does she? Maybe there is a grand illusion to glamour. Fake Perfect Me is a glorious dance that will tickle your senses.

Isabella seems to have it all--the former Southern belle with big dreams is the head of her own skin care company and is the self-proclaimed queen of all things beautiful in New York City. Then her world comes crashing down, and she is stripped of everything she loves--her man, the Italian litigator "Saint" Santo; the loss of her company; and the death of her beloved dog, Potato. With her penchant for bingeing and purging, how can she turn her life around when she still feels the need to maintain her "perfect" façade?

Fake Perfect Me, author Cari Kamm's heart-warming--and often heart-wrenching--tale of a successful New Yorker and her inner circle, offers an inside look at a world of excess. Isabella Reynolds may seem unlike anyone you've ever known, but at her core, she's instantly recognizable. Her trials and tribulations, her ups and downs, are much the same as anyone's. Her world may have a high price tag, but its true value comes from its losses and lesson... to love one's self.

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Strange Tales of the Curiously Uncommon

Strange Tales of the Curiously Uncommon

Strange Tales of the Curiously Uncommon is a collection of darkly humorous short stories, each with a cunning twist in the tail.

When extraordinary events befall some of London's most ordinary of inhabitants, unexpected turns lead to some witty, strange, yet ultimately satisfying results.

An Honest Mistake: Madge has long since surrendered herself to the verbal abuse doled out to her by her belligerent husband, Stan. On this particular evening, however, her fears of a rat beneath the floorboards, combined with her natural absent-mindedness, result in her dishing up Stan not only his evening meal...but perhaps his just deserts!

A Familiar Face: Two elderly Cockney women, old friends, meet up in a London café shortly after one them, Dora, has been widowed. As Dora's grief and anger grows increasingly fervent, her good friend Eydie begins to suspect there may be more to her angst than the loss of a loved one. When Dora calmly removes from her shopping bag a large glass jar containing a human head, discussions over its mysterious identity and how it came to be lodged in the cupboard under her stairs lead to some startling revelations.

A Slip of the Tongue: Miss Perkins, tired of the constant innuendos and sexual insinuations of her employer, Mr. Reams, has decided to hand in her notice. On this particular morning, however, Mr. Reams decides to take things one step further. Unfortunately for him, due to Miss Perkins' natural nervous disposition and a telephone that rings at a shockingly high pitch, he soon discovers he's bitten off more than he can chew...or at least, one of them has.

An Embarrassing Odour: Ethel, a frail, widowed pensioner, sits down one evening to tackle her daily crossword puzzle, when suddenly her tranquil world is turned upside down as a burglar breaks into her home believing it to be unoccupied. While Ethel vainly attempts to forge a relationship with the violent delinquent before her, his concerns lie only in getting his hands on her valuables...that and the unpleasant smell that fills the room. As Ethel shamefully admits, it's an embarrassing odour for a seventy-eight year old to have, but what her intruder doesn't know is quite why...though he's about to find out!

A Stunning Confession: As Ron and Jan made themselves comfortable on their sofa, they thought they were settling in for just another quiet night in front of the television. But beneath the surface of this seemingly benign evening of domestic routine, each was withholding a guilty secret from the other, and on this particular evening one of them found they could contain themselves no longer.

Approximately 22,000 words (88pp.)

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The Misconception

The Misconception

[Updated edition!]

The sperm donor she hired has gone AWOL, so who's the man in her bed? A misunderstanding of biological proportions.

A man is good for only one thing.

Dr. Marietta Dalrymple wants a baby, but all she wants from a man is his sperm. A professor of evolutionary biology, Marietta can explain away romantic love with scholarly theories of why men and women are compelled to copulate. Monogamy, she believes, is a state most males can't achieve.

So what is Marietta to do after she mistakes Cash "Jax" Jackson for the carefully screened sperm donor she hired to impregnate her?Especially when Jax doesn't know anything about the legal document the otherman signed relinquishing all rights to the child.

Jax soon sets his sights on more than Marietta's unborn baby. But can he prove to her that romantic love truly does exist? Or will the secret he's keeping destroy any chance these unlikely lovers have at happiness?

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Tall, Dark & Lonely (Pyte Series)

Tall, Dark & Lonely (Pyte Series)

When the mother that abandoned them years ago suddenly shows up and moves them to New Hampshire Madison has no choice but to go or lose her brother and sister. Shoving her dreams aside yet again Madison tries to make a life for her siblings only to realize that nothing is going the way it should. It's really cold, her fifteen year old sister acts like a hooker in training, men act funny around her, her boss is a real jerk, she feels like an outsider, her best friend turns out to be a mouthy sixteen year old kid and the incredibly handsome guy renting the room adjoining hers not only hogs the bathroom, taking three showers a day and leaving her with cold water, but he also has a secret. A secret that she becomes a bit obsessed with and can't let go no matter how many times she's warned off.

Detective Ephraim Williams learned long ago not to show any emotion or allow himself to get attached to humans. What was the point? They came and went and he remained. This time wouldn't be any different or so he thought. When his land lady told him her grandchildren were moving in he didn't expect much, well other than to be left alone. What he didn't expect was to have to fight bloodlust every time he so much as caught a whiff of his delectable neighbor's scent or her bombarding him with questions every time she cornered him. If that's not bad enough a Master from his past has found him once again and is demanding his blood and is willing to do anything to get it, even using the beautiful irritating neighbor that makes him feel more than pain for the first time in centuries.

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Funny Things I Heard At The Bus Stop, Volume 1

Funny Things I Heard At The Bus Stop, Volume 1

Funny Things I Heard At The Bus Stop, Volume 1 is a collection of short stories for elementary school children. This first volume is geared towards ages 8 through 11, but will easily be enjoyed by both younger and older kids!

A Visit From Nonna Esmeralda - Take a journey with Aiden as his grandmother from Italy comes to visit for the first time, with a special gift that allows him to travel to any place - and any time! - that he wishes.

My English Teacher Is A Secret Agent - Mr. Craig is substituting for English class, but he's definitely NOT your ordinary sub. He looks and acts very mysterious. The clues are adding up! Is he a secret agent? What is his secret plan? Will Buddy find out in time?

The Mysterious Window - Samantha goes to visit her ailing uncle in the country and discovers a secret item that he calls "the mysterious window" that allows one to view things that others can't! What will she see with it?

My Summer Vacation: What A Ride! - Peter is excited to visit the new amusement park in Centerville, especially with the new roller coaster opening! Problem is, he's just an inch or two short to ride it. Follow Peter on his quest to get taller and finally ride the big ride!

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Happy Hat Day. A Silly Rhyming Children's Picture Book

Happy Hat Day. A Silly Rhyming Children's Picture Book

Our hats are bent!
Our hats are old!
Our heads are bare!
Our heads are cold!
We all need new hats, it's clear!
Thank goodness Happy Hat Day's nearly here.

Another silly rhyming picture book from Gerald Hawksley.

"Hat-tastic!" - Hattie MacHat
"Mad hats!" - The Mad Hatter
"Hats off!" - Trilby Bowler

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Horror Stories

Horror Stories

This collection features a menagerie of horror stories. Some are scary. Some are disturbing. Some are funny. Meet werewolves, vampires, zombies, psychopaths, aliens, cannibals, ghosts, and various things that go bump in the night.

Previously published in dozens of anthologies and magazines, some of these tales are mild, but some are extreme. Let the reader beware...

The stories include:

Finicky Eater - It's after a nuclear war, and a mother and her son are in a fallout shelter, the food long long...

The Screaming - Van Helsing and vampires, in 1960s England.

Mr. Pull Ups - A body modification tale taken to the extreme.

The Shed - Two burglars find the door to hell.

Them's Good Eats - Rednecks vs. aliens, on a spaceship ride of horrors.

First Time - A coming of age tale where all may not be what it seems.

Forgiveness - A dying serial killer asks for a priest to hear his last confession.

Redux - Ghost story noir, about a private eye and a deadly haunting.

The Bag - What's in the bag? You really don't want to know...

Careful, He Bites - Lycanthrope flash fiction.

Symbios - A sci-fi novella about man's first encounter with alien life, and how things can quickly turn bad.

A Matter of Taste - Zombie flash fiction.

Embrace - A bit of gothic horror.

Trailer Sucks - Some trailer park jerks kidnap a vampire.

Markey - Flash fiction, from a twisted point of view.

Punishment Room - A horrific suspense tale about a not-so-distant future.

The Confession - Terrible crimes, told entirely in dialog.

Basketcase - Hardboiled noir with a horrific twist.

The Agreement - A gambler pays the ultimate price to get out of a debt.

Well Balanced Meal - The worst restaurant you've ever been in.

S.A. - A werewolf novella about a Shapshifters Anonymous group that must battle Santa Claus.

Dear Diary - A very twisted pom pon girl reveals the secret of her inner strength.

Mr. Spaceman - We've come to mate with earth women.

Appalachian Lullaby - What do you do with a radioactive monkey?

This 70,000 word collection also includes an excerpt from Afraid by Jack Kilborn, and Truck Stop by J.A. Konrath and Jack Kilborn. It also features a navigable table of contents, optimized for Kindle.



About the Author
J.A. Konrath is the author of seven novels in the Lt. Jacqueline "Jack" Daniels thriller series. The latest is SHAKEN, published by AmazonEncore. He also wrote the horror novels AFRAID, TRAPPED, ENDURANCE, and DRACULAS under the name Jack Kilborn, and the sci-fi novel TIMECASTER under the name Joe Kimball. (featuring Jack Daniels's grandson as the hero, coming out in 2011.)

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School Is A Nightmare #1 First Week, Worst Week

School Is A Nightmare #1 First Week, Worst Week

Do you have trouble selecting a book and then sticking with it? Do you start a book, read a few pages, and then put it back?
The School Is A Nightmare Series might be right for you. The books are written with you in mind. They’re fast paced (we promise) and have quick chapters (you’re welcome).

Give it a try. It will be over before you know it.

Justin's last few days of summer are quickly vanishing. His mom is in full blown back to school mode, and he can’t do anything to stop it. Over the final forty eight hours of summer he’s been dragged shopping for shoes, clothes, and worst all, school supplies.

The first three days of school only get worse when he loses his pet snake, all the money in his savings account, and nearly his own life.

Oh, and he has the meanest teacher in the whole school, Mrs. Cliff. She’s been around so long she taught his dad when he was a kid. The thought of spending a whole school year in her class makes him want to hop the first bus to Canada. Unfortunately, he can’t afford a bus ticket to Canada, so he’ll just have to suck it up.

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Challenger RPG a Free Roleplaying Game

Challenger RPG a Free Roleplaying Game

Game Features:

Free, 20+ Races, 36 Classes, 50+ skills including: specific skills, broad skills, power skills, and special ability skills. GM rolls no dice, completely player-driven approach to gaming with a core mechanic using the d20 and set damage ratings for most weapons so combat is faster and more furious than ever before. 2x faster combat than 4E Dungeons and Dragons.

More than 60 Pages of GM advice useable with any system. New rules on stacking monsters, monster subtypes, magic items, a list of monsters for use with Challenger, traps, and rules on non-combat obstacles complete with TN's.

The rules on Base Skills have been removed and clarified. No more must you roll 75 different base skills to start play. It's as simple as choosing your skills, classes, race, 5 powers, purchasing equipment and calculating your stats and you're done!

New rules on armor, equipment, and improved background powers to further detail your character like never before. Crazy races have been ditched and new races combined to make the rules on races simpler, more flexible, and even more entertaining!

You'll still find the classic traits generator for your character, improved formatting thanks to the masterful Matt Fleming (soon to be included in the game credits) and fantastic artwork by the incomparable L.E.C.D.

Remember: The whole thing's free to download in the sample. If this product doesn't live up to your highest expectations, please let me know! I humbly beg you to bestow your great wisdom on my careless and idiotic mistakes. Thank you.

***Update December, 12, News***

Merry Christmas, Gamer-Readers! Thanks so much for your awesome support, it's really appreciated. It's been a while since anyone's e-mailed me and kicked my butt about the clap trap in this book so please send some arse-kicking my way for the new year! I know there's still something that can be improved, some classes to be added we haven't thought of yet...maybe a cool idea you want included in the rules, etc. Challenger is meant to let you play any character, so what are we missing?

Also, we've just recently put out two brand new and completely free products for use with your 185 page Challenger Core Rulebook: Adventure Pack One containing 7 complete adventures including one Christmas themed quest "Into the North" and an online E-book Dice Roller so now you can roll your dice directly on your Kindle! Enjoy, and Merry Christmas. May all your dice rolls be 20's!

***January, 18th Update***

The novel "The Vampire War" a comic fantasy, has been moved elsewhere on Amazon Kindle, but I've added the prequel novel "The End of The World" to the Challenger file. Enjoy!

Our Mission Statement:

Despite the low (or nonexistant) price of this product I've invested hundreds (if not thousands) of hours in its production. I've flown over 1,500 miles and met countless game designers, playtesters, and fellow gamers such as yourself, and I know Challenger isn't done yet. There's still a long way to go but I must thank everyone who helped me. This game would not be what it is today without the invaluable feedback from countless gamers such as yourself. If you have anything at all to say about the game, good or bad, I'd love to hear it. Any critical advice would be even more welcome. Thank you.

--David L. Dostaler

Author, Challenger RPG

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The Kissing Stars

The Kissing Stars

New York Times bestselling author Geralyn Dawson takes readers deep in the heart of Texas to a small town where mysterious stars light the path to reconciliation for a pair of former lovers.

Fleeing a broken heart, Tess settles in Aurora Springs, Texas, a small town filled with eccentric dreamers who are attracted to the magical lights in the West Texas sky.  She may have overcome her failed marriage, if only she hadn't dragged that pig to the fair...

Railroad investigator Gabe Montana is intrigued by the secrets glistening in his runaway wife's eyes, and he doesn't resist the urge to follow her back to Aurora Springs where he discovers that extraordinary things happen in this frontier settlement. 

Here, a man haunted by tragedy might find redemption and a hurting woman might find healing...if they put the past behind them and allow The Kissing Stars to light their way home.

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The Enemy We Know (Letty Whittaker 12 Step Mystery)

The Enemy We Know (Letty Whittaker 12 Step Mystery)

Psychotherapist Letty Whittaker, a professional secret keeper, has a secret of her own. When one of her clients slips free from an abusive boyfriend, Letty becomes the target of his violent rage. Wayne invades Letty's life, slithering his way past the barriers erected between her personal and professional lives, leaving gifts of dead rats, mutilated dolls, and freaky Shakespearian sonnets. Worst of all, Wayne uncovers Letty's deepest shame, infiltrating her AA group and threatening to expose her to the state licensing board.

And then--good news--Wayne is murdered. The bad news? The police suspect Letty. Worse yet, the sonnets and bloody souvenirs keep coming. Someone else has been watching Letty. Someone eager to drop bodies at her feet like a cat offering dead mole trophies to his mistress.

Someone willing to kill again.

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Beautiful Mess

Beautiful Mess

Warning: contains pet rats, hot YouTube celebrity roommates, and one spurned girlfriend about to get even...

Working in a wedding cake shop sucks when you've just been dumped.

Bailey Frost has a recipe for disaster: one cheating ex, one big glass of liquor, and three well-meaning male friends who think her lack of a sex life is funny. Before she knows it, she's confessed that she's never had an orgasm with a man.

Now Bailey has to navigate sappy couples at work, while her friends are hell-bent on helping her get revenge on evil Craig...by dressing up as werewolves, on YouTube.

And one of those friends-- the tall, shy-but-gorgeous Linc--might just want to help Bailey with that other little problem...

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Inside the Giant Machine: Confessions of a Former Amazon.com Technologist

Inside the Giant Machine: Confessions of a Former Amazon.com Technologist

The free download promotion is over. Because many people did not see the promotion notices in time, we are offering this eBook for $0.99 for 24 hrs - price will revert to $9.99 in 24 hours.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Behind Amazon's quirky smile logo lurks a cold and calculating giant machine. Author Kalpanik S. reveals his own smile as he tells the somewhat quirky story of his complex and hilarious relationship with Amazon. From the sophisticated wit in his portrayal of the courtship period in "How To Get Hired By Amazon In Ten Days", to the dark humor of the disillusionment period in "The Cold, Calculating Machine", Kalpanik's story is more than just an insider's view of the giant machine known as Amazon.com. It's a modern, universal story of the uneasy relationship between an individual and today's gargantuan corporations. In the end, it is also a story of redemption for creative and free thinking individuals that define America.

This edition of the book was revised in Jan. 2011, & a new chapter was added on the Amazon Warehouse scandal. In 2011, Morning call, a newspaper in Pennsylvania published a lengthy expose on the horrendous work conditions at Amazon's warehouse in the region. That report is covered with author's unique perspective based on his prior work experience at Amazon.

ACCLAIM FOR THE BOOK

. . . . not only does the author makes us feel the vitality of the Hi-Tech worlds of California & Seattle but his very emotional experiences as an immigrant, as father and a former executive relocating to another city & take a first level management position.

I love his leaps of imagination, and the words which hook us in, make us think this is our story.

For example, here is what it means to yearn for acceptance:
"I looked at Seattle's glistening skyline on one side and its beautiful waterfront on the other and asked it the same questions I had asked San Francisco sixteen years ago: will it accept me? Or will its people treat me as someone different, not one of them? And will I accept it, call it my home? "

Overall, a hip, funny and yet very poignant story!

.... .....John Lehman, author

CONFESSIONS OF THE AUTHOR

I must confess that English is my 3rd language. Even though this book was edited by 3 professional English editors, it is obvious, even to me, that this book is written by a Foreign-born author.

Foreign-born or not, I believe I have converted a dull topic-the transformation of Amazon from a retail website to a marketplace-into an interesting and lively story.

This is more of a little book than a big one. Being a technologist, I am trained to be concise. The printed version of this edition is 221 pages. This may be too little for a few readers, too much for others, and just right for the rest. So, If you are looking for a 1,000-page treatise on Amazon that can be used as an example of perfect grammar in the High school English grammar class, then this book may not be the right book for you. There are several other books on Amazon with perfect grammar, which are also perfectly boring!

Oh, and this is not THE Amazon Story, just AN Amazon Story. Only 1 Amazon Employee can write THE Amazon Story - Jeff Bezos, and he is busy doing other things.

This book evolved from a blog which I shared with friends as I interviewed & joined Amazon, moved to Seattle, and then "exited". While 60% of the material was added afterwards, the core of this book remains the original blog entries and still has that feel.

A book about Amazon can be pretty dry, so I have tried to add some humor. In my attempt to make this book funny, a few facts may have been stretched. In that regard, I quote this passage from 21 Dog Years: Doing Time @ Amazon.com, written by Mike Daisey, a fellow Amazon alumnus-turned author:

"Some facts were injured in the telling of this story.

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You've Got Murder

You've Got Murder

Murder follows the Shady Ladies mystery authors everywhere they go…

Six mystery writers who exchange emails, instant messages and texts discussing plotlines, sex and murder for their books, get a dose of non-fiction when one of their own is suspected of doing in a wife-beating killer.

The heat cranks up when another member's crooked literary agent is killed, and their newest member's husband is looking more and more like a serial killer.

Flesh-eating pigs, New York skyscrapers, quadruplets, a feisty grandma, a husband on Viagra and a sexy Italian detective are just part of the mix as the Shady Ladies plot like their lives depend on it… Because it does...

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My Little Pet Dragon (A fun picture book for children 3-6!)

My Little Pet Dragon (A fun picture book for children 3-6!)

Find out why My Little Pet Dragon is the #1 Free Children's E-book on Amazon! (01/20/2012)

"My Little Pet Dragon is a cute, funny, picture eBook that is sure to delight your little ones..." --Kimba the Caffeinated Book Reviewer

"If you are looking for a cute read for your young child then this is a book worth purchasing. The pictures in this book are so vivid and entertaining. The story is sure to generate a few giggles too. My three year old wanted me to read it over and over again. I absolutely loved it! I would definitely recommend purchasing this book." --Allison Fees, Bee's Knees Book Reviews

DESCRIPTION

A picture book that can only be described as fun and adorable, My Little Pet Dragon features over 30 pages of incredible computer-generated artwork.

Find out what happens when the young reader gets a pet dragon for Christmas!

A bedtime story for children 3-6 that is sure to delight (even adults will find plenty to smile about)!

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The Book of F*cking Hilarious Internet Memes

The Book of F*cking Hilarious Internet Memes

WHAT THE HECK IS AN INTERNET MEME?

Meme (pronounced meem): An idea, belief or element of social behavior spread that is transmitted from one person or group of people to another.

This word was coined in the '70s by Richard Dawkins, the atheist godman worshipped by neckbeards everywhere.

Simply put, Internet memes are memes that spread on the Internet through social networking sites, blogs, email, news sources, and so on. In the real world they're called "ideas," but pseudo-intellectuals prefer "memes."

WHERE DO INTERNET MEMES COME FROM?

Amongst all the stupid crap on the Internet are hilarious gems of wit and wisdom. Most of the best memes start as images shared on the Web and, by some great misfortune, they find their way into the lecherous hands of drunken basement trolls who mutate these images into the hilarious, the lame, and sometimes the downright bizarre.

WHAT IS THIS BOOK?

This book will take you on bizarre journey through the bilges of the Internet and introduce you to 23 of its funniest and most popular memes, complete with a sh*tload of images that might just make you wet your panties.

On this journey you will share lulz with unsavory characters like...

Foul Bachelor Frog

Socially Awkward Penguin

Paranoid Parrot

Courage Wolf

Advice God

Joseph Ducreux

Hipster Kitty

Inglip

Successful Black Man

Forever Alone

Bill O'Reilly

And more...

Scroll up and click the "Buy" button now to laugh your a** off at the twisted hive mind of the Internet underworld...

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Opal Fire (A Stacy Justice Mystery)

Opal Fire (A Stacy Justice Mystery)

This is book one of the Stacy Justice mystery series--laugh out loud crime fiction with a paranormal twist.

Stacy Justice did not expect to be set on fire that night, but being raised by witches prepares one for life's little surprises. When her cousin is accused of arson, Stacy is determined to clear her family name--until something cryptic is discovered in the rubble that changes everything. Now, someone wants her dead and she finds herself dodging angry motorists, exploding chickens and a very creepy man lurking in the shadows. As she begins to dig up the past, Stacy learns that even those closest to her have something to hide--and she's about to discover a destiny she never imagined. Suddenly, she finds herself running from a killer that will stop at nothing to keep a secret.

 

• If you would like to be notified of new release dates in this series, contact me at barbraannino.com

OPAL FIRE, Stacy Justice Book One.   How far would you go to keep a secret?

BLOODSTONE, Stacy Justice Book Two.   What if your whole life was a lie?

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The Desperate Dad's Guide to Getting Some

The Desperate Dad's Guide to Getting Some

At first glance, you may think this book is mostly about sex. It isn't. It's about all of the crazy things that happen between men and women. Whether you love a man, live with a man or actually are a man, you'll recognize someone you know in these hilariously true stories from award-winning writer and syndicated humor columnist Jackie Papandrew.

Starting with the title story―where Jackie offers timely tips for every man who still doesn’t understand the connection between choreplay and foreplay―to the final tummy-tickling tale about a love story made possible by a couple of wandering pigs, this book should come with a free package of Depends. You might just wet your pants reading it. Other stories include:

High-Maintenance Woman
Did I Shave My Legs For This?
A Man’s Job
Soapy Situation
Pin Something On This Donkey

and many more…

For any woman who feels alone with her ‘Did he just do that?’ thoughts or any man who wants to understand the fairer sex a little better, this quick read is just the ticket. And for anyone who loves to laugh, it’s a real treat.

For even more laughs, check out FunnyJackie.com.

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Dragonsaurus (Fun Dinosaur Children's Picture Book Perfect for Bedtime & Young Readers)

Dragonsaurus (Fun Dinosaur Children's Picture Book Perfect for Bedtime & Young Readers)

If your child loves books by Mo Willems, Laura Numeroff, P.D. Eastman, Eric Carle, and Sandra Boynton, your child will fall in love with "Dragonsaurus."

Emerald is a Dragonsaurus, she is half dragon and half Tyrannosaurus. Follow her on her exciting journey to find her parents in the mountains under the great golden oak tree. This story ends with a great lesson about the love between a parent and a child.

This picture book is perfect for children in preschool who are just learning to read, as well as early elementary school kids who are mastering new vocabulary. The adorable and funny story encourages reading, drawing, and critical thinking skills.

Age Range: Preschool to Early Elementary Readers (2 years old - 7 years old)

-Great story to read over and over and again
-Beautifully illustrated with vibrant color pictures that your child will enjoy viewing
-Fun story that keeps your child interested

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Buck Fever (Blanco County Mysteries)

Buck Fever (Blanco County Mysteries)

Blanco County, Texas: It's the week before deer hunting season, as close to a statewide holiday as you get in Texas, and the locals are getting restless. Game Warden John Marlin has his hands full with poaching complaints coming in faster than he can write out-of-season tickets. Then a call of a different sort comes in. A man dressed up in some sort of deer costume has been shot at the Circle S ranch, and witnesses are reporting a massive wild-eyed buck prancing about the pasture in a lovesick frenzy. Marlin's seen a lot in his years, but this is wilder than he could have imagined: the man in the deer suit is a good friend, and the whacked-out whitetail isn't exactly a stranger either. It's the beginning of a mad, frantic weekend in Blanco County, one that will see a few more men shot, an invasion by Colombians with more than hunting on their minds, and damn near the end of Marlin's life. Ben Rehder serves it all up with a huge helping of humor in this debut comic mystery that will firmly establish him as the funniest crime writer in Texas.

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The Mancode: Exposed

The Mancode: Exposed

I'm over 40. I don't have a blankie. I have vodka. 

Praise for The Mancode: Exposed -- already #1 Kindle bestseller! 

5 out of 5 star reviews...

I absolutely just love the work of Rachel Thompson. Not only is she an amazing person, her writing is witty, humorous, and OMG Brilliant! Where the heck does she come up with this stuff? 

~BK Walker, bkwalkerbooks.com

As a long time warrior in the Battle of the Sexes, I would have won a lot more skirmishes had I had a copy of The Mancode in my saddle. Reaching back toward my shotgun, I would have found this book instead. Instead of shooting the man, I could have said, "Stop acting like a man!" Get smart: Buy the Mancode and stop wasting bullets.

~Beth Wareham, author Power of No

THE BOOK

Is it possible to truly expose men? Thompson explores controversial questions like: 

• Can we outrun our DNA?
• Will we women always be slaves to our talkative nature (apres sex)?
• Will men never be free of the chains of emotional withholding?
• Can we transfer man's paper towel changing abilities from garage to kitchen? 

It's about all the levels in which we communicate...viewed through Thompson's looking glass of humor and deconstructed with her special brand of snark. 

Women see a man scratching his stuff and want to run away. Quickly. Men see a woman rearranging her breasts, he's mesmerized. Imagine that. 

I have this theory, based on too many martinis one night, that women speak in circles and men speak in...points. #thinkaboutit

MORE PRAISE...

Finally! A woman who gets what I'm going through every day, from that whole spitting thing to my deep abiding love for chocolate. Well done!

~Amber Scott, author of #1 Kindle bestsellers IRISH MOON, FIERCE DAWN, & WANTED

'Mancode: Exposed' is a scathingly funny, rapid fire and heartfelt look at guys. Author Rachel Thompson delivers a satirical piece that invokes strong shoes of Penny Marshall and Seth McFarlane. 

~Casey Ryan, Host & Creator, Cutting Room Floor 

***Can't get enough of Rachel's snarky humor? Purchase A Walk In The Snark, her #1 bestselling humorous and at times, poignant collection of essays which hit #1 on the Kindle Motherhood list last fall and is now officially a Motherhood #1 mainstay! 

***Want to learn more about self-publishing, eBooks, and social media? Pick up Dollars & Sense: The Definitive Guide to Self-Publishing Success, cowritten by Rachel Thompson, Carolyn McCray, and Amber Scott! 

***Want to learn about Rachel's experience with self-publishing? Check out Our Indie Experience (An Indie Book Collecctive Anthology), released November 2011. The good, the bad, and the searingly honest. Rachel's tip: hire an editor, proofreader, formatter, graphic artist. 

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Dance of the Winnebagos (Jackrabbit Junction Mystery Series)

Dance of the Winnebagos (Jackrabbit Junction Mystery Series)

For a limited time, Dance of the Winnebagos, will be only 99 CENTS! Get this fun mystery with flaire, before it goes back up to its regular price of $3.99!

***

Dance of the Winnebagos -- A novel from the Multiple National Award-winning Author of the Deadwood Mystery Series!

"Ann Charles delivers laugh-out-loud dialogue, unforgettable characters, and pulse-pounding suspense."
~Vicki Lewis Thompson, New York Times Bestselling Author


***You'll laugh. You'll cringe. You'll want even more!***

When Claire's grandfather and his army buddies converge in the Arizona desert to find new wives, it's her thankless job to keep them out of trouble with the opposite sex. But when she finds a human leg bone and partners with a reluctant geotechnician to dig up secrets from the past, trouble finds her. If she doesn't stop digging, she could end up dead.

***

"Don't pick up one of Ann Charles' mystery romances if you have other pressing engagements. Ms. Charles writes with an engaging style that is demonstrably impossible to set down. The latest example of this attack on your busy schedule is Dance of the Winnebagos. Spunky heroine Claire Morgan digs up a tangled mess of treasure, murder and just maybe the love of her life while supposedly on a mercy mission to babysit her randy old grandpa. Quirky characters, plenty of menace and skullduggery in abandoned old mines and loads of good, clean sex hustles this story briskly on its way. Four stars and a passel of happy hoots for Dance of the Winnebagos."
~John Klawitter, author of the prize-winning Hollywood Havoc action thriller novels

"Ann Charles crafts another hilarious romp of a mystery with quirky characters and laugh-out-loud dialogue."
~Amber Scott, author of Soul Search and Fierce Dawn

"Hang on to your hats, Deadwood fans, because you're gonna love the Jackrabbit Junction series, too! If you love mystery with a little romance and a lot of humor, you're in for a wild ride with Dance of the Winnebagos."
~Jacquie Rogers, author of Much Ado About Marshals

"The quips come fast and furious and the plot twists with more alacrity than a jackrabbit on the run from a coyote in this fast-paced humorous mystery/thriller/romance. Ann Charles proves once again she has the ability to drive us to turn the page in order to find out what's in store for her cast of lovable, and sometimes crotchety, cast of characters."
~Susan Schreyer, author of Death By A Dark Horse


Dance of the Winnebagos Cover Art by C.S. Kunkle; Cover Design by Mona Weiss; Editing by Mimi Munk (grammarchick.com)

Want more mystery, laughs, and suspense? Check out Ann Charles' Deadwood Mystery series:
Nearly Departed in Deadwood (book 1)
Optical Delusions in Deadwood (book 2)

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Loose Ends - A Mary O'Reilly Paranormal Mystery (Book 1)

Loose Ends - A Mary O'Reilly Paranormal Mystery (Book 1)

Dying is what changed Mary O’Reilly’s life. Well, actually, coming back from the dead and having the ability to communicate with ghosts is really what did it.
Now, a private investigator in rural Freeport, Illinois, Mary’s trying to learn how to incorporate her experience as a Chicago cop and new-found talent into a real job. Her challenge is to solve the mysteries, get real evidence (a ghost’s word just doesn’t hold up in court), and be sure the folks in town, especially the handsome new police chief, doesn’t think she’s nuts.
Twenty-four years ago, a young woman drowned in the swimming pool of a newly elected State Senator. It was ruled an accident. But now, as the Senator prepares to move on to higher positions, the ghost of the woman is appearing to the Senator’s wife.
Mary is hired to discover the truth behind the death. She unearths a connection between the murder and the disappearance of five little girls whose cases, twenty-four years later, are still all unsolved. As she digs further she becomes the next target for serial killers’ quest to tie up all his loose ends.

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