Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Pedro The Ugliest Dog In The World

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Pedro The Ugliest Dog In The World

Pedro is ugly, so ugly that he has been mistakenly identified as El Chupacabra.

In the town of Santa Maria all animals are welcome and free. But from the mountains, the lizard king and his gang raid the town of precious supplies. In their hour of need the town will turn to a hero, a hero whose name will strike fear in to all that hear it.
Will Pedro save Santa Maria?
Or will the truth be told?

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Saturday, November 26, 2011

CALCULATED RISK

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CALCULATED RISK

HOLIDAY SALE PRICE 99 CENTS!

"Lady, I want you to stop seducing my son! Hell, what are you, thirty-two, thirty-four, Rob is seventeen..there's room for a whole other person!"
Thus in one of Nashville's poshest restaurants began a stream of threats against Stephanie Brandt along with a heavy hand 'mangling' her shoulder, followed by a bill shoved into the middle of her quiche by a big man wearing work boots, denim and a T-shirt with an obscene foreign word printed on it.
Until Quintin Ward stormed into her life with his threats and accusations, Stevie had not known his son Rob even existed., let alone was her mail room clerk.
When she's finally able to convince Quintin that she has no designs on his son, they embark on a campaign to squelch Rob's amorous ideas and fantasy love-life with his boss. But their very calculated risk backfires!
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Stevie struggled out of the rust-spangled red VW amid a chorus of gleeful goodnights and used the last of her energy to wave. The twenty-six steps to her front door were the most painful she had ever taken. The last ten were finished walking on the heels of her boots.
Quintin had the door opened before she even rang the bell. "I was peeking out the front window; it looks like you were well chaperoned."
"Eight." She waddled past him into the foyer. "Eight people in that little car." Stevie motioned for him to help her out of the raccoon vest. "I got to sit between the two front seats, wedged behind the stick shift and on the lap of a kid who kept belching." She piled a seemingly endless number of black-ringed fur tails on the foyer's glass and chrome console. "I've got to sit down and take off these boots. In the middle of the second half my toes went numb." She bent over and pressed her fingers into the leather. "They're dead, Quint, or at the very least gangrenous."
"Stevie, you can't sit down." His words sounded strangled.
"Why not?"
"You've got...uh...a big wad of pink bubble gum on the seat of your pants."
"Quintin, please ..." she begged, and looked between her legs at his upside-down image. "Please tell me you are joking."
He stared at the gooey mound that was a conspicuous pink ornament on the green suede. "I'm sorry."
She rested her head against the stucco wall. "These pants are brand new. They cost a fortune."
He brushed back an auburn wave that curtained her face. "Let me have an ice cube and a butter knife and I'll make them good as new," he promised, "but first let's get rid of those boots."
Straddling each leg in turn, he forcefully but carefully eased off the pointed vamp of the garishly designed footwear. "These damn things are obscene."
"I thought so." She moaned in relief. "Rob thought they were 'like totally total,'" she mimicked, "and one of his friends, Jack, the kid wearing the camouflage coordinates, told me I was 'like tubular.' Tubular!" A hiss was issued between clenched teeth.
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From previously printed novel Silhouette Desire #104 Copyright Elaine Raco Chase 1983
Copyright 2011 Elaine Raco Chase Updated, expanded, over fifty pages of new scenes and explicit sensuality
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Reviews from the original print version of CALCULATED RISK

"Another first - Elaine gives us a rib-tickling tale of the older woman. All readers with teenager's will split their sides over the descriptions of life on a high school date!" Romantic Times Magazine

"Gold 5 Stars - we'd dry up and blow away without Elaine's sense of humor!" Barbara Critiques

"Excellent! Another humorously entertaining and very sensual story!" Kaye Rider, Affaire de Coeur Magazine

Enjoy Excerpts from these eBooks - Special Delivery, Lady Be Bad, Video Vixen, Double Occupancy, Designing Woman & Dare The Devil

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Thursday, November 24, 2011

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)

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Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)

Mindy Kaling has lived many lives: the obedient child of immigrant professionals, a timid chubster afraid of her own bike, a Ben Affleckâ€"impersonating Off-Broadway performer and playwright, and, finally, a comedy writer and actress prone to starting fights with her friends and coworkers with the sentence “Can I just say one last thing about this, and then I swear I’ll shut up about it?”
 
Perhaps you want to know what Mindy thinks makes a great best friend (someone who will fill your prescription in the middle of the night), or what makes a great guy (one who is aware of all elderly people in any room at any time and acts accordingly), or what is the perfect amount of fame (so famous you can never get convicted of murder in a court of law), or how to maintain a trim figure (you will not find that information in these pages). If so, you’ve come to the right book, mostly!
 
In Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, Mindy invites readers on a tour of her life and her unscientific observations on romance, friendship, and Hollywood, with several conveniently placed stopping points for you to run errands and make phone calls. Mindy Kaling really is just a Girl Next Doorâ€"not so much literally anywhere in the continental United States, but definitely if you live in India or Sri Lanka.




From the Hardcover edition.

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Monday, November 21, 2011

My Sparkling Misfortune (The Lakeland Knight)

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My Sparkling Misfortune (The Lakeland Knight)

***1st place winner of the Reader Views Literary Award 2010 in the Young Reader category***

Lord Arkus of Blackriver Castle readily admits that he is a villain and sees no reason why it should stop him from being the protagonist of this book. After all, Prince Kellemar, an aspiring hero, has defeated him in a rather questionable way. Bent on revenge, Arkus attempts to capture a powerful evil spirit who would make him nearly invincible, but a last-minute mistake leaves him with a Sparkling instead-"a goody-goody spirit that helps heroes, watches over little children, and messes up villains' plans." Bound to Lord Arkus for five years of service and sworn to act in his best interests, the Sparkling is not easy to get rid of, and of course his understanding of "best interests" is quite different from what Lord Arkus has in mind.

My Sparkling Misfortune is approximately 33,000 words (126 pages in the printed edition). Includes 10 black-and-white illustrations.

*Update: Lord Arkus has his own Facebook page! Come check what His Lordship has been up to and enjoy snippets of villainous wisdom and wit: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lord-Arkus/130618950289934

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Sunday, November 13, 2011

Hal Spacejock

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Hal Spacejock

Hal Spacejock doesn't mind navigating to an uncharted planet, landing in a deserted field, dodging customs and loading a suspicious cargo under cover of darkness.

That's a normal day's work.

No, the real battle starts when the customer sends a broken-down pilot to fly Hal's beloved ship ...


(80,000 words, 350-380 pages.)

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What they're saying:

"Simon Haynes is the Australian Terry Pratchett" - Midwest Book Review

"Fast, funny, quirky, enthralling comedy adventure; not just a genre parody but a well-made story in its own right, told with a light, deft touch. Hal's battle of wills with the uppity airlock is a special joy" - Tom Holt

"The quirkiest genre satire to hit bookshelves since Terry Pratchett's Discworld"
The West Australian

"Things start to go wrong and just keep going that way in this clever novel. A very funny science fiction read." Fiction Focus

"Riddled with slapstick humour and glib one-liners" - Courier Mail, Brisbane

"A space opera full of humorously cringe-worthy moments" - Dominion Post, New Zealand

"An underground cult hit . . . just the thing to read when all you want is to forget your troubles for a while and enjoy someone else's engaging and well-crafted world" - January Magazine

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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Monday, November 7, 2011

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Friday, November 4, 2011

Flat-Out Love

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Flat-Out Love

Flat-Out Love is a warm and witty novel of family love and dysfunction, deep heartache and raw vulnerability, with a bit of mystery and one whopping, knock-you-to-your-knees romance.

It's not what you know--or when you see--that matters. It's about a journey.

Something is seriously off in the Watkins home. And Julie Seagle, college freshman, small-town Ohio transplant, and the newest resident of this Boston house, is determined to get to the bottom of it. When Julie's off-campus housing falls through, her mother's old college roommate, Erin Watkins, invites her to move in. The parents, Erin and Roger, are welcoming, but emotionally distant and academically driven to eccentric extremes. The middle child, Matt, is an MIT tech geek with a sweet side ... and the social skills of a spool of USB cable. The youngest, Celeste, is a frighteningly bright but freakishly fastidious 13-year-old who hauls around a life-sized cardboard cutout of her oldest brother almost everywhere she goes.

And there's that oldest brother, Finn: funny, gorgeous, smart, sensitive, almost emotionally available. Geographically? Definitely unavailable. That's because Finn is traveling the world and surfacing only for random Facebook chats, e-mails, and status updates. Before long, through late-night exchanges of disembodied text, he begins to stir something tender and silly and maybe even a little bit sexy in Julie's suddenly lonesome soul.

To Julie, the emotionally scrambled members of the Watkins family add up to something that ... well ... doesn't quite add up. Not until she forces a buried secret to the surface, eliciting a dramatic confrontation that threatens to tear the fragile Watkins family apart, does she get her answer.

Flat-Out Love comes complete with emails, Facebook status updates, and instant messages.

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Thursday, November 3, 2011

Wednesday, November 2, 2011